Team Chaos SW Campaign

Holo Log Entry Four

Who knew droids could poop?

Powers on holorecorder. Twirls lightsaber in hand

This has been a strange few weeks to say the least. Some months back, I was Gendall Kurk, fabulously wealthy Outer Rim playboy without a care in the world.

Well, I had some cars, but that’s besides the point.

I mean, sure, I knew the Empire existed. I had seen Storm Troopers here and there. But they left me alone and I left them alone. I mean, what would be the point of engaging them? Sure, I have a lightsaber, one of the most powerful weapons in the galaxy. I may be able to take out a few here and there. But why raise suspicion? The old man told me to keep my head down. He said “A Jedi uses The Force for knowledge and defense,” yada yada yada…

Then he lets me go out and explore the galaxy for my 18th birthday. Great gift, right? Not so much. He also tells me to conceal my identity by any means available. Then rents me a bodyguard. I figure, oh well. There goes covering up my wealth. Fortunately, I was able to cover up everything else under a mask of oblivion. I became “Gendall Kurk, the boy who didnt know enough.” It’s funny though. Master always said people are most at ease around a simpleton. He also taught me to use a sentient’s prejudices against them. If there’s one thing I’ve learned from my travels is that PEOPLE HATE THE RICH!

But my instruction taught me to use their distaste as a weapon. “Be mindful of the Living Force!” he’d tell me. “Be mindful of my surroundings.” Playing dumb allowed me to hide in plain sight! These people honestly believed I, a student of the Jedi arts, didnt know what work was! They lowered their guard around me, and I was able to discover a great many things. Luckily for them, I’m not an Imperial Infiltrator of some kind. Most notably Forim Luk pretends to be a space hardened pilot and seeker of fortune, but he’s really a man with Rebel allegiance who would risk bodily harm for a friend. I’ve also discovered that Nephelle portrays herself as a cowardly one trick pony. But when I last checked, cowards run from danger, not stand quietly in its midst. Then there’s the slowfall in the deactivated repulsor lift shaft on The Respite…

There’s more to those two than meets the eye.

And then there’s me. Perfectly undercover. Embedded in this motley crew playing the role of ship’s fool seemingly immune to blaster bolts… How many time’s have I been shot?!? Ten? Twelve? Curious… when a goRamed Star Destroyer picks us up in its tractor beam! This crw has the WORST luck! So, knowing who I am, and knowing that if I’m caught with a lightsaber on a Star Destroyer, that’s pretty much the end of our journey, I do what any rational young Jedi would have done.

I hid my lightsaber up an assassin droid’s ass.

Who knew droids had cavities?!? Apparently not the Empire! Then again, Lefty’s old master was an Imperial. I wonder if that’s where he stashed his drugs?

So we all get processed by the crew on the Star Destroyer and questioned. So far, so good. Morgan had Forim kick his ass in order to come up with whatever story he told the Imps. I told them I kicked his ass. Because I could kick his ass. So we’re sitting in this holding cell, and then the lights go out. Suddenly there’s this blood curdling sound of durasteel tearing and atmosphere rushing out of the Star Destroyer. Graannik opens the cell door and we’re out like a shot, running down this dimly lit corridor when we run up on some Imperial soldiers with blasters. We’re unarmed, but we kicked those guy’s asses and took their blasters.

Everything’s going great so far. Forim wants to turn back and look for his five rebel friends, but all we find is one of them being tortured by an IT-O Interrogator droid. We save this guy and discover that he designed this model of Star Destroyer before he joined the Rebels. He tells us what gear hold we can likely find our stuff in the detention block, and we head that way, post haste. We get there, Nephelle pops the lock, and the droids come wandering out.

So here’s where the soap gets dropped.

I go over to Lefty, and I ask him if he has that thing I gave him. That thing, being the most important thing in the galaxy to me right now. He tells he does. And then there’s Graannik. Pitching what I can only imagine passes for a hissy fit in Wookieeneese. Lefty reveals that Graannik wants to see what Lefty’s hiding. Now lets repaint the setting for a bit: with the Star Destroyer falling apart, atmosphere being sucked out of the hull, imminent combat, and missing rebels, why would Graannik be so concerned with what I hid in a droid?

So Lefty, in compliance with his master’s wishes, reveals what he’s hiding. The droid poops out my lightsaber. And with that, my cover is totally blown, and the group is in danger now. I only hope this Star Destroy is completely destroyed before some Imp can discover the crew of the Careless Whisper is harboring a Jedi. I’m totally moded.

Who knew droids could poop?!?

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