I knew this would be the year everything changes! When I turned 18, I said "Gendall, this is gonna be your year. Your time is NOW! And man, was I right!
Ok, ok. So I got some ok gifts for my 18th birthday. I got a XP-38A Sport Landspeeder for my birthday. But who drives Landspeeder’s anymore?!? I told Duncan that I want a Swoop bike! That old buzzard swears he knows what’s good for me. Ah… At least he means well.
But this time, the old man may have gotten something right! A 3 month tour into the Core Worlds?!? What more can a man ask for?! How about a smokin hot white haired bodyguard babe! I think I’ll call her Snow White. Crap, who could I forget my camera? No one’s gonna believe this!
And speaking of stuff no one’s gonna believe… This trip couldnt be more crash! We landed on some dank whole in the wall city where the city, planet, and system all have the same name. It was… Parole, or Parma, Purell… same diff. But that’s where the action picks up. We made a bad ass crash landing that everyone hated, but I was all “What’evs” about. This one guy was handing out fliers for his business or something. There was a Wookiee in the town! Yeah, like a real live Clone Wars Era Wookiee! And the mayor needed help for something he called “work”. Work is this thing poor people do to get money. Why dont they just ask their caretaker?!? Stupid poor people.
So yeah, the work thing turned out to be pretty awesome! Speaking of awesome… Shh! But yeah, so we took a trip out to this abandoned tipped over YT-1300. Maybe the same pilot that landed our ship landed that one. LOL! And all the old people were totally scared, and I was all like “Come at me, bro! Lets jump in and see what happened.” So we jump inside the YT and hear a noise in the distance. It was me, Snow White, Pilot Dude, and the Wookiee sneaking around. If you think a Wookiee sneaks lame, you should see Snow White sneak! But there was nothing to fear, totally just a holovid stuck in a loop behind a door in the ships lobby area.
But that’s when things got interesting. The other old guys came in later and were all like “Lets fix the ship with our smartness and stuff”, and I was all like “Dude, let me help”, and Pilot Dude was all “No, you can go find stuff in the ship”, and I was all what’evs. But the joke was on them because the ship was totally stocked with like vibroblades, armor, commlinks, medpacs… Who ever was on the ship before must have been total bad asses if this is what they left behind! So I totally switched out the gear I had for the gear I wanted while they were making repairs and whatnot. I got this pretty crash set of armor; I was looking a total bad ass!
So we find a protocol droid, right! And the Wookiee starts talking to it and it said some resentful stuff about the Wookiee being its master. The go into another room, we hear a clanging sound, and the Wookiee comes out hold his head, and he’s all like “RRRrrrrrugh” :(, and the droid comes out with a pipe in his hand! The pipe totally had Wookiee fur on it and everything! So I’m like “AWESOME!” And we totally named the droid Awesome George! Idk where the George part came from, but he’s still pretty awesome.
Now this is when I became a total Holovid star! So Pilot Dude decided he REALLY wants to go back and get his Y Wing, so we fly to the old city, and the arena was totally a smokin’ crater. And there were Storm Troopers, and Corellian Corvettes, and shooting, and Pilot Dude’s all like, “Well guys, I’m going for my ship.” And these old dudes totally let him wander off into the hangar alone against at least one platoon of Storm Troopers. So I was all “You guys are a bunch of pansies, I’m going to help Pilot Dude!” So Im out there with Pilot Dude and his astromech, and we’re breakin feet toward his ship, and the Storm Troopers are all like “Stahp”, and Pilot Dude says “Screw you!” And we have this gun fight with this squad of Storm Troopers! This is my first time actually shooting a gun, but I’m a total Vance Starwood! And so I drop one of them, and Pilot Dude does too. And I’m all “Get at me bro! I totally just killed a guy!” And one of the Storm Troopers shot me in my chest, but he didnt know I’ve got this totally crash armor, and I’ve been all about the GTL this summer, so I shrugged off the blaster rifle.
That’s right. Let my awesome sink in for a bit!
So I’m all there celebrating, and this other guy cheap shots me, and I’m down, bro. Like I’m gonna die, I’ve totally been kicked in the nuts, and I’m all like “Wasn’t Snow White supposed to protect me?” But then Pilot Dude goes totally Rambo and I’m in an out of consciousness, but it was like he was shooting and crying, and he was all “No Gendall, no!! You’re too awesome to die!!” And I guess the astromech made it on board the ship, because next thing I knew, I was on my feet looking for a place to sit, and Pilot Dude is punching in coordinates, and we left that rock.
That rock was crash though. I totally killed a guy!